Comment by Fischgericht
3 years ago
You might want to try Ketamine. In some countries it's now available legally from neurologists as nose spray. If not, get it from the dark net or a friend in the rave community. Or ask as friend who is a veterinarian. You get mix your own nose spray with that.
Before Ketamine, I never in my life had been able to get into a group of people with them being closer than about 50cm to me. Which means: I could never join a dancefloor.
With Ketamine, that poof went away, and I could.
The same happened for a couple of my neurodiverse friends. One girl her hole life could not be in the same room as others while eating. Now she can.
A single dose also has anti-depressant effects for five days.
Interestingly, it's now in some countries allowed to be used as treatment for social anxiety after positives studies on that. On the other hand, there is now a clinical study that say it's not better than a placebo. Weird.
However, for me (and my nerd friends) the before/after effect is so drastic, I can rule out a placebo effect. My neurologist agrees. I trust clinical studies and always consult them, but something must have gone wrong there.
And yes, this is a good example of a substance that in many countries can get you into jail, while in other countries it can make a most DRAMATIC positive change in your life.
I guess I should add this disclaimer:
Not medical advise. I am not suggesting you to something that is illegal in the country you are living in.
Do your own research AND consult someone who is competent on this when wishing to try Ketamine. Buy from a trusted seller. When trying a new substance, always do it sober - no other substance, especially no alcohol. Never try a new drug when alone. Ketamine is a drug that at different doses has very different effects. For social anxiety only a very low dose is needed, muss less than your raver friends would take to have fun. So start low, and slowly level up. Ketamine is pretty safe, but bad for your bladder long-term. Drinking green tea fixes that.
Thank you for the recommendation. I worry about developing a dependency to ketamine, but in NY state where I live, it is legal for therapeutic purposes. I might consider it. I prefer microdoses of psilocybin, since I have a bias towards plant medicine, and I know exactly where the fungus came from :)
And just a funny note re: dancing -- part of my healing journey has been through ecstatic dance. It is a completely sober practice of dancing intuitively and freely with others. While I love ecstatic dance and can easily dance with no fear or anxiety, even in non-ecstatic spaces, I cannot actually speak to strangers or express my desire to become friends with someone.
It's easier for me to dance with complete strangers than it is to converse with them :) One of my most recent social struggles has been the discrepancy between intensely beautiful and intimate bonds formed with people while practicing ecstatic dance, and then finding myself completely unable bond with them via conversation after the dance is over.
I sometimes wish I lived in a world where no one knew my language and it was ok to have a partnership that relied only on body language. Relying on speech to bond with others has failed me for decades and I don't understand why.
From my perspective psilocybin and LSD are very good tools to get a new mindset, get rid of addictions, and to restructure your brain long term. LSD trips sure made me a better person.
Ketamine OTOH is something that can help me in a situational way. I only take it in concrete situations of social anxiety.
By the way - I order it "illegally", but my neuroligst agrees it's a good idea. Right now the situation in Germany is still very stupid, as doctors are only allowed to prescribe it if you go to the doctor every time you want to take a pump from the nose spray. Which obviously is not practical at all helps for situational use...
I'm a person how very easily gets addicted. Anecdotically, but also from what I have read, ketamine is not very addictive.
I am aware that a lot of effects that you can get through medication can also achieved using things like ecstatic dance or breathing techniques or medititations. I'm not patient enough for this, also I prefer to dance to Techno ;)