Comment by Mordisquitos
2 years ago
In my case I have to say that is only half true. As an adult-diagnosed ADHD sufferer I cannot say that I developed coping strategies on which I relied excessively that masked my symptoms. Rather, I used to try [0] to develop coping strategies, only for me to eventually drop them for unexplainable reasons at the slightest routine-messing incident or event, regardless of how effective the strategy was being or how good it felt. And then some time later I would [will] try again, under the blissful delusion that this time it will stick overriding the rational memory that I never succeed in setting up a system on which I can rely for the medium-to-long term. Rinse, wash, repeat.
I am now in a low, with no active strategy, and without the mental strength to start working on a new one. Hopefully though I will recover my mojo soon and organise myself again. And I'm sure this time it will stick...
[0] I still try to develop coping strategies, but I used to too.
I do the same. And while it’s frustrating that nothing seems to stick long-term, I think it’s important to be trying. I’ll create a recurring to-do list of errands and I’ll stick to it for a week if I’m lucky. It feels bad when I find all those errands incomplete the following week when there’s a slight change in schedule, but at least those things got done the first week. And I pivot to a new strategy and try it all again.
The cycle stopped bothering me so much when I realized that’s what it is: a cycle. It ebbs and flows with my energy levels. And frankly part of why I can’t keep it up is probably because I’m putting too much demand on myself. If I need to take a break, I guess that’s just what needs to happen. I’ll probably pick up a more productive routine again next week.
I think that seems healthy to me. As folks with ADHD we are typically novelty-seekers. I think it's ok to accept that one's systems will be ever-shifting.
For a decade or two I've gone back and forth between paper and electronic note-taking and I think that's OK, I don't have to find one perfect forever system for everything.
I've recently been wondering if maybe I'm overcrowding myself in this way. I mean I definitely am, but I'm starting to wonder if there are any other options besides burning through tasks whenever I get a good day.
I don't think I've had an empty task list in my entire professional career outside of changing jobs and effectively declaring task bankruptcy. Todoist's end of day notification often says something like "review the 54 tasks remaining for the day".. One day someone will figure out a system that works for every ADHDer in the modern world and we'll have a new tech/space/etc renaissance, haha
Incidentally I saw this meme on Twitter while procrastinating something or other earlier, quite apt https://img.imgy.org/1xkR.jpg
Best of luck to you, me, everyone else struggling with this one!
For me, the biggest takeaway from David Allen's "Getting Things Done" book (which was hugely popular in the early 2000s) was that todo lists require aggressive pruning.
Otherwise they work well at first but quickly become giant guilt piles, aka "54 tasks remaining for the day" syndrome.
(Also then you never get the satisfaction of clearing your daily list, because it is one neverending eternal infinite list)
Which of your 54 daily tasks should be put on a "tomorrow" or "next week" or "next year" list? Which of them truly need to be done in the next 24 hours?
I'll give that a read, ta for the pointer. It's been on my to-read list for a long while but y'know, ADHD, haha. Bumped it up the list.
In the meantime I'll give my task list a realistic "when does this really need doing, if at all" audit, nice one
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This is me. I stopped trying to be organized, because I know that as soon as there is some inconvenience or difficulty organizing, I will just get overwhelmed and drop everything I was trying to do. For example, I just cannot take notes or manage a calendar.
I got an e-ink notepad, which helped organize my thoughts better than the 10 different legal pads I would jump between. Still disorganized, but at least now my notes for a single topic are in one place.
For a calendar, my wife hung this acrylic calendar on the kitchen wall and we update it at the beginning of every month. I try to add things as they come up, and I often forget to add things if they are in future months, but it's helped for me to keep track of family arrangements. Any personal appointments I make on my own I try to put immediately into my google calendar, and then my work calendar is completely separate. As I'm typing this I realize I rely heavily on others to manage most of my time...
Which notepad?
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this hits home with a caveat: Every time I try a new strategy, even if I drop it later, I end up a bit better than before. It's like with each try, my starting point for the next attempt is a little higher. Once I accepted that this is just how things work for me, I stopped feeling anxious about it too.
First... damn. I know the struggle. Much love to you and much respect.
Just an idea w.r.t. systems. Have you tried prioritizing "ease of use" over "completeness and awesomeness"?
I made some progress myself that way lately. I was always trying to organize things in some kind of... I don't know? perfect and aesthetically pleasing way? In hindsight, I think I was telling myself I had to get to some perfect system like these garages, where everything is perfectly organized and has a purpose and place.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/721209327810494107/
Instead what worked for me in the end was a bunch of clear plastic bins from Home Depot, with big labels on them. They are not literally childrens' bins but in spirit, the end solution for me was not too far away from this:
https://www.google.com/search?um=1&hl=en&safe=active&nfpr=1&...
Point being, what finally worked for me was the system with the lowest possible friction, not the "best" system.
That's me too (except I was diagnosed as a kid). Only thing that has worked reliably with me is Dexmethylphenidate, but it messes with my sleep, so I get to choose between my brain feeling like mush in the morning or playing the focus-lottery for the rest of the day.
P.S. Nice Mitch Hedberg reference
Severe adhd here. The book “tiny habits” has been life changing for me. It hasn’t solved all my problems but it’s made a massive difference
Oh God this sounds so much like my autobiography :(
Honestly no coping strategy worked until I got medicated. Then it all became so simple and easy to do.