Comment by pattesseriedude
1 year ago
I’m really feeling sorry for both the author and his family. Can’t imagine what they must be going through.
When I was 10 my oldest sibling went through a coma and after coming out of it some time later she did some things that my parents were not happy about. My family was going through some things and me being the youngest was completely neglected. I was shoved in a room and my family being well off all the problems were tried to be solved by money. Then just as things were getting a little better for me between 11-12 I was molested a few times. I was too scared to talk to anyone. My parents were not bothered much. 19 years later today I have PTSD and I struggle with anxiety depression panic. In my entire life I had no one to talk to and no one loved me. I was unable to make any connections in life. I do therapy which helps a little. I fell in love with someone 12 years ago which was the only time I felt something in life but she never liked me and till this day I hope for a miracle. There was a time few years ago I was unable to leave my room without panic attacks as that was the only place I felt safe. Somehow I was able to work my way into a graduate degree in computer science from a top school and a job. However I still spent the last 3 days crying alone. I deal with it every single day every single hour of my life. Life gets better some days and worse some days.
Anyway my point is that your children and your spouse need you the most right now. This is a turning point for everyone in the family. Hold them close. Talk to them. They may show they are strong and handling it well but they need you more than you might think. Some things cannot be undone. Some things cannot be changed. But many are in control today and a lot will be decided about the future at this time. So please just hold them close and tell them you love them. I will pray for you and your family.
I a sorry to hear what you’ve gone through and are still going through. I hope you find the peace you deserve.
Thank you for your kind words.
Terrible situation but nice that you are aware and that you suggested for him to turn to family. Needed in similar situation so and I understand it has become quite common or at least people have been more aware recently regarding trauma and cptsd (and the nightmares).
For those who have in their life people with emergencies due e.g. emotional flashbacks let me put this here: https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/firstaidkit
What has helped: “From surviving to thriving” book, “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook”, ipf protocol, avoid stoicism related thinking
Thank you for the suggestion. I am immediately adding the book to kindle and will start reading it today itself. I once read a suggestion about 4 years ago called 'The Body Keeps the Score' on a reddit thread. I was unable to finish that book because it was just too much for me given I could relate so much to it but adding that to the thread as that book was very important for me to understand many things for me.
It is the most famous, that is why I did not mention it, you are not alone that it’s triggering. Here is other people that felt so for example: https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/a93qs7/reading_the_b...
Heartbreaking that you went through all that.
I don't mean to trivialize your situation, but I recently learned about nociception [1] and your condition reminded me of what sucks about it. Ie, the emotional trauma you now live with is almost more debilitating than the initial pain from the earlier events.
It is such a terrible part of our physiology. It intends to protect us from so much pain, but it just ends up taking so much by preventing us from experiencing again. Wishing you the strength to keep working through this complexity and finding peace.
[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4529956/
My story overlaps a lot with yours, especially the parts about never being able to form secure attachments (though for slightly different reasons).
I was stuck for a very, very, very long time until I encountered Internal Family Systems therapy. It has been able to help me heal the wounds in ways CBT/DBT/talk therapy never could (and not for lack of trying).
Pain, applied surgically, by people you trust.
That previous sentence describes my father who was abusive in many strange ways. Sexual molestation was not included, so I can’t relate there.
My best advice is to succeed in spite of the barriers God placed in front of you. Ultimately it is you and God who care about what is happening moment to moment. Good luck
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Religious flamewar is not allowed on HN, and we ban accounts that do it, so please don't.
https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
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I've found the use of psychedelics and higher level thinking a particularly effective tool at mitigating the effects of PTSD. It's hard to explain but in some ways it's like when dr. Strange first goes to Kamar-Taj.
Thank you for sharing your story. As you pray for the author and his family, I too wish to pray for you and yours. Take care.
I can't give medical advice, so I'll give none.
A user recommended the use of psychedelics, I wouldn't.
But try investigating recent literature regarding to MDMA and assisted therapy (with a professional) to treat and manage PTSD. If you are able to find a professional who is up to it, it could be something to consider. Is not a magic pill, but it can catalyze great results provided it's deeply integrated in therapy.
Escitalopram Oxalate
This worked for me actually with CBT for some time now as quality of life was certainly better. But it had side effects like feeling emotionally numb and lack of sexual desire. Though I haven’t ever even kissed a girl at 31 I thought that would be relevant in the future for any relationship as I tried dating a bit year ago and I felt emotionally very distant and cold for whatever reason. It’s a common side effect of it I guess from what I hear.
I slowly weaned off of it in 2023 with my therapist suggestion as I was doing okay even without it but I may have to go back to it for some time if things get worse. Not sure I’ll talk to my therapist next month.
MDMA and EMDR have been two therapies for trauma processing. I will keep an eye for it and talk to my therapist to see if he can refer me to a clinic who can help me in a controlled environment. Safety is very important from what I know when you do either.
Thanks for your help.
Great to hear this.
> But it had side effects like feeling emotionally numb and lack of sexual desire Lot's of friends who are in Sertraline has this adverse effect.
> Though I haven’t ever even kissed a girl at 31 I don't know how successful you are at dating but even so I'll recommend you "The Book of Pook" and "Anti Dump's Machine". Are two funny books you can find online for free. Don't buy them because they are recollection of blog posts from sosuave. They helped me mature in that aspect and give some good advice.
> I will keep an eye for it and talk to my therapist to see if he can refer me to a clinic who can help me in a controlled environment.
Sounds great. Also be cautious, you shouldn't take MDMA while on a SSRI like Escitalopram.
> Thanks for your help.
You are welcome, no problem, it's glad to hear I helped in some way. :)
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Pattesserie, a bit random but try and do sauna regularly. Start with little. Can do wonders for emotional issue release; can be very intense at first, just be prepared.
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Considering he is considering MDMA....
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