Comment by protoman3000

1 year ago

I’m sorry for your situation.

Having gone myself as a 5 year old sibling through something like this I wish to stress this:

Don’t let your other children become chronically mentally ill, send them to the psychotherapist and counselor and do that for years. You can’t imagine the amount of suffering they will have untreated. This is not something that you can just outlive and your children are dependent on you supporting them by giving them support from somebody who actually can support them. The scar of this trauma will run many many years, make them extremely vulnerable and can render them with a full blown disability.

You can prevent this. Don’t let other people who have no idea shame you for seeking help for this.

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protoman3000

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svartkaffe  1 year ago

So weird that I started reading C. S. Lewis’ “a grief observed” yesterday and today this popped up on hn. Your comment and OP’s thread made me go from a lurker to registering an account.

I was 2.5 years old when my brother was born with complications, brain damage being one of them. Could breathe by himself, but fed through a tube and couldn’t move. 3 months later he died.

Not sure what the total impact from this event has been, but I am affected by this event even today, decades later. It’s weird how something can impact a little child that much, but the loss was/is real. Especially with kids that I played with that had siblings (at that time when I was back to zero). Not unfazed, but not mentally crippled either. My parents didn’t, unfortunately(?), take me to any counselors or so, it wasn’t even recommended by any in the medical support apparatus.

I am often reminded that “God gives and he takes” (especially Job’s book), that might be the most pragmatic approach I’ve come up with over the years. And I still miss him when the wound opens once in a while, but at least he didn’t have to suffer.

I haven’t finished the books yet, but C. S. Lewis has at least two on this topic: “a grief observed” and “the problem of pain”, the latter written before losing his wife to cancer.

I hope you and your family can come through this trying time with your hope and faith intact.

  • protoman3000  1 year ago

    Hi,

    thanks for your comment. Your story touched me immediately in my heart.

    I can recommend you this book on your quest to get more insights and ideas for healing:

    "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship" from Laurence Heller, PhD