Comment by mlrtime
1 year ago
Isn't it hard to do though? I fear I may be a monster for thinking this, but is the pain of the son and yourself worth it?
Meaning, is all this being done for some hope that the miracle pulls through? What if you knew with absolute certainty there was no recover and no brain activity, only pain.
So this is hard if you have a choice, what is the right choice?
In case it helps — I actually have no expectation and hope of a miracle. Having my hopes absolutely crushed is what gets me through the day. The fear and uncertainty of having something to lose was and is far worse (to me) than the grinding daily commitment to meet his needs.
Maybe a miracle will happen one day but I have no expectation of it. I expect him to stay in that bed for years until he dies.
I see, thank you for the clarification and sharing. I don't think I could do what you're doing. That is what I mean by choice.
I'm holding my 6 week baby boy right now as he sleeps. It is painful just to read your story, but also humanizing and helpful in a way.
As someone who is very risk averse I wonder if using certain philosophies can help hedge against this kind of pain. But then it might have it's own consequences. I've used this in the past with partners (visualizing them leaving) but I'm not sure it would work here.
Is it possible to love your son so much but not feel an equal amount of pain with loss.
Do you think he has not already turned this question over in his mind for many agonizing hours?
I think he has thought about this question and 1000's of other scenarios that we will never know.
I write "you" figuratively, interchangeably as "one" or "oneself". I don't expect a reply. I'm asking for others sake or just simply to put my own thoughts down.