Comment by mlrtime

I see, thank you for the clarification and sharing. I don't think I could do what you're doing. That is what I mean by choice.

I'm holding my 6 week baby boy right now as he sleeps. It is painful just to read your story, but also humanizing and helpful in a way.

As someone who is very risk averse I wonder if using certain philosophies can help hedge against this kind of pain. But then it might have it's own consequences. I've used this in the past with partners (visualizing them leaving) but I'm not sure it would work here.

Is it possible to love your son so much but not feel an equal amount of pain with loss.