Comment by kypro

I do this. I think it's partly because of who I am as a problem solver, but also the way I decide if something is worth saying or doing based on whether I'm adding value.

I don't think there's usually much (if any) value agreeing with people or saying, "well done". If someone is doing something right or well then the result of that should be obvious to them. If I build a great app for example I don't need people to praise me for it – there's no real value in that other than to stroke my ego – and the usage of the app would be far more insightful of its true quality anyway. The only thing that would be useful to me is understanding how the app could be better and to understand that I need people to be critical to point out things I may have missed.

That said, I find I often do this in person and sometimes I have to explain to people why I'm being so critical because it's generally not that I think the person is doing a bad job, but simply that I see ways they could do a better job and want to help. I am making more effort these days to start my criticism with genuine praise because I understand there is risk of demotivation if you come across as too critical. I try to do that here too... I think as a rule balancing critical comments with praise such that the criticism is representative is probably the right way to go about it.

As a community I also think this is likely a product of who we are. Techies are problem solvers, and to be good problem solvers we need to have a good eye for problems. I can only speak for myself, but I see problems everywhere, and that's not necessarily bad thing, but again I think you have to be self-aware that you're doing this and understand where to dial it back – which wasn't something I was always great at doing.

These days when I'm trying to enjoy myself I do my best to try shut that part of my brain off. My girlfriend used to comment how we could go to the nicest restaurants or have wonderful days together and all I could do is recall the negatives and how things could have been better. I realised this attitude bled into my friendships and relationships where despite having lovely friends and an amazing partner I would obsessively focus on the things I didn't like and couldn't help but be critical of them both in my own head and in conversation with them. Being self-aware of this has been a huge breakthrough in my life – it's really important to balance your critical thoughts with an appreciation of the good.

I think perhaps some people are also critical because being critical is often a way to look smarter and above something/someone. I don't know how common this is here, but it's something I've seen in people from time to time in my own life. Generally they are insecure people, but it is worth remembering that there are people out there who seem to just get a kick out of shitting on people – you have to be a little cautious about how you weight the comments of these types of people.

Not sure I've really answered your question, but it would be interesting if others relate to what I'm saying at all as I've always suspected this explains why this community is so critical.