Comment by _factor
1 year ago
I relate to this through my childhood. I had no inner voice, it was all images and feelings up until college woke my inner dialog. I always felt others knew better, and I became a people pleaser due to the lack of autonomy I felt.
It took one unimportant moment of standing up for myself that turned me from a yes follower, into a combative agreer. I had a series of nights where a puzzle appeared to be being solved in my mind, and an inner voice began to form.
Social interactions go much more smoothly when you can think before you speak in terms that others can understand when the words leave your lips.
Thanks for sharing.
I had the opposite experience. I always had such an intense 'inner monologue' that it dominated my experience of life. Outside of doing things that required all of my attention like playing games I never lived in the moment. It made social interaction difficult because I would always obsess over how to say things in the right way.
It took me until my 20s to learn how to relax it and not go over and over everything.
Your account seemed really alien to me when I read it, it's hard to believe people can have such a different experience of life. It's rarely discussed explicitly.
I do not mean to discount this interesting iota, however, I had a similar realization when I was 7; whether it coinciding with learning of the Copernicus principle is merit or raw luck notwithstanding, I saw my siblings as none other than another family in another house: all others would view me, and us, as neighbors, and we are all side-characters in each others story.
That thought is "sonder" - although it differs from what you describe, it has some parallels.
> when you can think before you speak in terms that others can understand when the words leave your lips.
See https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39714485 ; I had been surprised by how many HN'ers perceived "only uttering what one has had a chance to edit beforehand" as being more hindrance than help.
At this point I’ve reined it in to be a tool. When it formed, it was so useful it became my primary method of communication. As I’ve progressed, it’s now a part of my tool bag I can call on. I only learned English as a toddler, and it’s definitely my native language, but I came from having another native language first. I often wonder if that’s why my brain didn’t form an inner voice. I had to learn a new native language at a critical learning period, and I ended up somewhere half way.
What was the moment, if you don’t mind sharing?
Sure. It was at the end of the semester, filling in surveys for the class. I volunteered to submit the names to the office. All of the sheets were in the envelope, the total number submitted written on the sheet ready to send to the office. Then one student came back in a gave their sheet in. My two classmates left over asked me to scratch the old number and add one to it. I refused for no good reason, in the wrong from a process perspective. I didn’t change it and didn’t want to. After my classmates pushed, I still refused stating that it really didn’t matter.
I went ahead and submitted the envelope containing 23 sheets with the number 22 still written on it. I felt liberated. Like I said, unimportant, but a flip switched. It was like I learned that it was ok to make mistakes while making decisions, so I let this one by.