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Comment by imgabe

2 months ago

See this is why people need to get married. If I have no idea what to do, my wife will surely think of something.

29 comments

imgabe

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throwway120385  2 months ago

Children are pretty good at providing you with purpose too if you lose yours.

  • khazhoux  2 months ago

    It was only when I had kids that I understood what this means.

    My children are not "my purpose." I mean, that would be a lovely sentiment, but it's not the actual truth.

    But having kids (and being a hopefully-good father), means that no matter what else sucks at work, all the projects that didn't land, my boss's daily kicks to the crotch, and every multi-million job opportunity I stupidly turned down... I did right with those kids. If I had made any different choice in life --no matter how tiny-- those wonderful kids would not exist. And that satisfies my sense of Purpose.

  • codegeek  2 months ago

    SO true. I am having a midlife sort of crisis myself (lost as a founder a bit) but my kids keep me going with a purpose. When you have kids, you don't have the luxury of not doing anything.

  • mattlondon  2 months ago

    There is "Purpose" and "purpose".

    One is some grandiose ill-defined thing. The other is housework.

    I am certainly in the housework side right now with two kids under 5.

    I am a dad, but I still derive quite a lot of identity from what I do for work. If anything, now that I am meeting more parents from nursery & school etc it feels it is almost more important for me now to be able to implicitly assert status through my work/wealth/house-in-desireable-location/car/etc than it was before kids.

    I assumed those sort of feelings would dissolve with kids ("Purpose") but if anything the kids have magnified them. Potentially I am just a shallow prick, but I wonder if it is a "provider instinct" thing or perhaps just mini dopamine hits from feeling like I've got something desirable and meeting these other parents just reasserts that over and over.

    • el_benhameen  2 months ago

      “Two kids under five” is a tough stage, though (I can’t believe I’ve reached the point where I can say that retrospectively). Things come into focus a little more once your longest conversations with them aren’t about why they actually do need to wear shoes to school. You get hit with those moments where you realize the long term impact you’re having on their personalities and worldviews, and what an awesome responsibility that is.

      Not totally unlike—and I get that this is peak hn, but since we’re talking work—building something and then seeing it run in the real world and having to live with your design decisions over the long term, etc etc etc.

      1 reply →

  • tayo42  2 months ago

    pyramid scheme of having a purpose

    • elevatedastalt  2 months ago

      No, the act of raising a kid itself gives people purpose, so it's not a pyramid scheme by any means, but let's not let facts come in the way of a zinger of a one-liner I guess?

      6 replies →

    • programmertote  2 months ago

      A unique (and IMO, correct) way to put it.

      I personally don't want to have a kid of my own blood. But I want to adopt one or two and maybe foster a few IF I become financially capable, which is probably a decade or so away.

      I do believe that having a kid of your own in this day and age (esp. when you are working day job and depending on that job for healthcare, housing, etc.) is unfair for the kid who will join you in your life. Sure you'll love him/her, but the reality is the kid will have to grind (again, assuming that you are not a multi-millionaire) when s/he reaches certain age. The best use of our resources, when we accumulate a good amount of wealth to sustain ourselves and have a bit more extra to spare, is to adopt/foster or do something philanthropic entirely (so many homeless, sick, hungry people that you can help).

      6 replies →

blitzar  2 months ago

You can start by taking out the trash, and if you are going to sit on your arse all day tomorrow then here is a list of stuff that needs doing around the house.