Comment by morpheos137
2 months ago
As someone who has not been successful in life but who is relatively intelligent do you have any recommendations as to how I can get my life on track?
I am asking because you said you like developing people. My persistent experience in life for almost 20 years post college has been nobody wants to develop me.
I am not in tech but I am generally interested in the area if it can lead me to greater independence and more interesting work.
I like jobs that are intellectually engaging and ideally somewhat physically active.
Right now I am working in a mechanical role.
Sometimes I like the work but more often than not I find that good problem solving ability is not valued and the pay is dismal vs. what people earn in tech.
I have a BA in economics but unfortunately have never used it. 37 years old.
> life for almost 20 years post college has been nobody wants to develop me.
Is that really possible? I have often thought that the only person that can develop you, is you.
Sure you might get some good advice from some people, maybe a helping hand, a business loan or grant etc. but I don't view that as development.
Your biggest asset is you. Don't be reluctant to use it.
Okay but for the vast overwhelming majority of people, what they actually need is "a helping hand, a business loan or grant etc"
You talk about this like this is trivial, but it's the kind of material help that would make a difference for almost everyone who is currently not doing what they want in life
Yes, no one can teach you to self-actualize. People's material circumstances are rarely a result of inadequate self-actualization or agency, despite what the self-help industry would like you to believe.
Most "high-agency" people who succeed started out with either adequate resources to at least support themselves while they tried stuff, reliable backup plans (like living with supportive family), or help in the form of stuff like grants or startup funding. People who don't have that need that, regardless of their mindset or abilities. There are exceptions who got incredibly lucky, and they are a rounding error among rounding errors. That is the world we live in. There are ways to engineer a world where this is less the case, but at least in the US, we seem to choose not to move in this direction at every opportunity, and freak out when even minor forms of the security necessary to act with agency take hold for large numbers of people (See: The business world's hysterical reaction to COVID relief)
Double down on that last bit: everything you learn and do adds to the equity that is you. That equity pays back in multitudes throughout your life, not just professionally but also socially and spiritually.
If you figure it out, pass it on to others. I haven’t been allowed to hire Americans in quite some time, and Covid destroyed any company support of an apprenticeship type setup.
The last time I was able to hire an American with a will to learn and an adjacent degree was over a decade ago.
I’ve hired dozens of smart Americans with the right degree and willingness to learn and I was not even American myself. I worked with hundreds more. Not sure what you’re talking about.
Learn a musical instrument. Stick at it and over time you will find you can create music , which will make you feel successful.
Excellent advice. For those for whom it's appropriate, do try it. As you suggest, therein lies that special essentially private pleasure of accomplishment in small things that doesn't depend on the approbation of others.
It’s unlikely you’ll find someone who takes an interest in developing you, who isn’t a personal connection or someone you pay, in my experience. You will probably have to take the first step yourself, either to develop yourself or to find and develop a nurturing relationship.
Choose companies to work for based on who you will be working with and what they can teach you, not by how much they pay. You never want to be the smartest person in the room.
I can't speak to your specific circumstances, but perhaps this will help.
I find that people I talk to with chronic job dissatisfaction have a difficult time taking risks, because despite not liking their current circumstances, the unknown can be scary.
There are known pathways to work in tech or other fields, such as coding camps or community college. It becomes a question of what you're willing to sacrifice to make that happen. Would you move to a new city? Go back to school? Give up your evenings and weekends? Usually, some kind of risk needs to be taken, and there's always a path forward if you look.
I didn't graduate college until I was 29, and now that I'm in my mid-40s I can say that while every risk I took didn't pay off, it was in the taking of risks that has left me feeling satisfied with where I am.
Dog on rusty nail parabole comes to mind
https://www.hashtagyourlife.com/stories/dog-rusty-nail
> As someone who has not been successful in life but who is relatively intelligent do you have any recommendations as to how I can get my life on track?
I'm not the OP, but instead just a person who thinks they might be of help. Caveat emptor and all that :-).
Success is what we define both in and of ourselves. Some use material measurements (money, titles, assets, etc.), which are intrinsically relative and thus ephemeral.
Another definition is establishing a sustained environment of happiness. This includes addressing immediate physical needs, such as a place to live, sustenance, and the like. More than that is finding happiness in how we live each day.
> My persistent experience in life for almost 20 years post college has been nobody wants to develop me.
While some may give tips and/or pointers as to how to develop oneself, IMHO, much like happiness, development comes from within. Seeking wise counsel is always a good call, but no one can develop another. All anyone else can do is give perspective from their own journey as it relates to you - mine is you have identified options above which are appealing, so pursue them as if no one else is going to anything to make it happen.
> I have a BA in economics but unfortunately have never used it.
You still have it and one never knows when the education we have helps out until it does. ;)
>Sometimes I like the work but more often than not I find that good problem solving ability is not valued and the pay is dismal vs. what people earn in tech.
I'm not sure the high wages in tech are going to last, universities having been minting new CS graduates like there is no tomorrow. Alongside that demand appears to be flagging. I'm sure you remember enough from your BA to know what the result of that is.