Comment by whatshisface

2 months ago

If you're never getting that money back, you might as well forgive them and forget it. Then at least you'd keep the friends.

17 comments

whatshisface

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ilrwbwrkhv  2 months ago

It's never even about forgiving. I am not even angry at them. What happens is there is now suddenly a pedestal. No matter what we do, they know I gave them money. And I know they took it. The relationships don't remain the same anymore. It's weird.

  • charlie0  2 months ago

    I can see that. I would personally feel really bad if I lost all the money someone gave me. I'd always feel like I owe it back. Only exception would be at the very beginning, if that was a possibility that was acknowledged. However, I've noticed people who start these things are always very optimistic and probably don't seriously talk about this. To the previous poster, the only people who seem to handle this type of thing well are the extremely blunt people who are brutally honest and upfront about everything. There aren't many of them.

  • Aeolun  2 months ago

    Yeah, I wouldn't take money from people I wanted to stay friends with for this reason. It's just a bad idea. Introduce me to your acquaintances, sure, but lets stay friends.

j4coh  2 months ago

I think this is the best advice. If you are going to fund a friend, give them a grant, no strings attached. They can return the favour if/when they have the means on their terms. Anything else is going to kill your friendship.

  • Nevermark  2 months ago

    I did that.

    It seemed obvious that it was a small gamble for me, a big gamble for my friend, but he was doing all the right things.

    VCs don’t waste time with concerns over failed investments.

    When you hand over some money, you are accepting the risk.

    Including complications, which are likely. Treat the money like a gamble, not the friendship.

    I was really glad I did. My friend created a successful business after working toward that with major ups & downs for over ten years.

    Then he got cancer, and died a year later. I got no money back. But it was the best investment I ever made. His dream came true and that mattered so much to him. That he pulled it off, and his customers loved him and his business.

    Don’t invest in a friend if the investment isn’t about genuinely helping them.

    If you can afford to.

    • ToDougie  2 months ago

      I have complicated feelings about this...... mostly reminding me to love. Thank you very much for sharing.

  • Fomite  2 months ago

    This. If you're funding your friends, think of yourself as a wealthy patron, not a lender or VC.

nodesocket  2 months ago

I had a friend who I lent money to his startup during Covid. He promised would be paid back within a year. Multiple hard conversations and it’s 4 years later and not one cent has been paid back to me. We currently don’t speak to each other. He’s delusional with his startup ideas, lives in lala fantasy land. Refuses to get a job and take any responsibility. He has zero track record of success, so it’s somewhat my fault for loaning him money.