Comment by reify

for me its the praise you recieve as children, from significant adults, teachers, parents etc, that set you up to follow through with your dreams.

people still manage to acheive their goals in life, but it does seem to be more difficult.

During my training as a psychotherapists, I reflected back on this exact same theme.

I had been a martial artist when I was a young man and wondered why I had only acheived a brown belt in both JKA and Aikido. I was very capable of a black belt in both.

I started looking at other areas of my life, like education and work.

I had been extremely intelligent as a child but did not go to school for the final year. So failed to take any school GCSE's.

Same thing, I had no drive to acheive anything higher than my socio-economic status allowed, pre-determined by societies expectations. how can a working class boy become part of academia and get a degree. its not easy.

I came from a very poor family, so poor in fact, I never had a coat and had holes in my shoes until I left home at a very young age of 16.

I went back to college at 36 years old. My therapist at the time supported and guided me through this period. To deal with this exact issue.

I had this overwhelming feeling of never being able to be late. So I arrived far too early for all appointments. I would arrive at least an hour early. The vacuum of unused time, waiting for an appointment, was a hell for me. it got so bad that I turned around and went home. This could be for a work interview or even a date. I missed out on so much of life.

The trick I learned, was to find something productive to fill in that vacuum, like go to a coffee shop and do the times cryptic crossword, while people watching. until the time of my appointment had arrived. such a simple application of filling in time.

Throughout my 6 years of study as an undergraduate, almost all of my peers experienced the dreaded final months of our degrees. Both as under graduates and post graduates. it never seemed to get easier. the stress, the doubt, the feelings of giving up, were a daily struggle.

Out of the 12 peers that underwent my last post graduate degree, all of us experienced this. yet we all went on to acheive our goals.

It is linked to the fear of success. but more in the realm of "not being good enough".

Society has great difficulty accepting "being good enough" as a valid way of being, its all a human being can aspire to, yet society wants us to be more and better.

is it no wonder that the youngsters of today are struggling with more depression, anxiety and other psychiatric issues, than in my younger years in the 60-70's.

They are set up to fail by constantly being fed that they are not good enough.