Comment by bell-cot
1 year ago
Why would a rational young person take the risk (of becoming a parent), when the system they face has been optimized to "crushing costs on me, most benefits to others"?
1 year ago
Why would a rational young person take the risk (of becoming a parent), when the system they face has been optimized to "crushing costs on me, most benefits to others"?
First, while we have eliminated the "family wage", which was what allowed American working class families to be supported on one income alone in the 1950s, and we have made things like the housing market cost prohibitive, and wrecked community life, we also have different priorities today. For example, among those who can afford an annual vacation to the Caribbean or a new car or whatever, many would not be willing to give that up if they had to in order to have another child. Keeping up with the Jones's is a thing, and we simply view children as burdensome sacrifices that deprive us of empty self-indulgence rather than great riches and an occasion to grow as a human being.
Second, the obsession with finances is unjustified. What's "enough" to have a child? And will you ever get there? You might hit infertility sooner and then it'll be too late. Having a child is an incredible motivator, because you have a firm and clear and worthy purpose. Your whole life is rearranged, and in a good way. You have descendants and in that sense, you are not alone or the end of the line. When children are a mere possibility, mere phantoms that you hope to afford one day, you won't have the same drive, and it becomes easy to get sidetracked or fall into resignation.
I neither have children nor travel often, but I believe that an annual Caribbean vacation is significantly cheaper than a child. I don't doubt that children can be as you say; that they provide a motivation and sense of purpose for their parents. But clearly that is not the case for all as the number of un-involved parents would suggest.
For myself, I think economic anxiety/precarity has been one of the strongest motivators for never wanting children. As I've faced layoffs, I've often thought to myself, "at least I don't have any kids depending on me" and worried for my coworkers who did. It doesn't help that I face some medical issues either.
But I think more than anything, I just don't want to force some poor child into this world/economic system that we have created that I've never really felt comfortable in. I used to think that this made me some kind of strange outlier, but more and more, given that we see ever decreasing fertility, perhaps I was merely early to this feeling.
Whatever criticisms of the economic system one might have (and there are plenty), we seem to be forgetting that we live in the most materially abundant and safe period of human history, and the problem is especially apparent in the richest countries of the world. So this is no explanation of the demographic crisis.
The decision not to have children is also not especially unique to those in economically precarious situations or those living in poverty. On the contrary, the demographic crisis affects everyone, including a well-off middle class that will have no trouble providing for its children. On top of that, while I support sound pro-natal policies, what we've found is that using financial incentives has very little to no effect on increasing birth rates.
Demographic decline reflects deeper problems in our cultures. We structure our lives in ways that do not respect optimal fertility, putting things off until "we're established in our careers". We define ourselves by what we own. We have a prejudice against large families, associating them with the shame of poverty, misery, backwardness, and a lack of education instead of the great wealth that they are. We have taken individualism to such an extreme that family and community life has taken a huge blow, and with it, the broad social support children would usually grow up with. Children have fewer siblings and fewer cousins to play with and grow up with. We have a dating culture that, instead of functioning as a way to find someone to marry to start a family, is recreational, aimless, and devoid of any desire for commitment. Expectations w.r.t. children that are financially costly lead to thinking that having more children would "deprive" them of a desired standard (this relates to keeping up with the Jones's). And what if you have more than 2 children in close succession? Well, because of safety regulations, you need to buy a larger car, because a basic sedan cannot hold three car seats.
Taken in aggregate, the cultural climate, as well as the attitudes it shapes, is not favorable.
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To raise a child in the US 0-18 is ~$330k in 2023 dollars. That buys a lot of happiness sans child, not to mention the loss of freedom and autonomy required for child rearing not lost by avoiding children.
The value proposition is simply not compelling.
What is your definition of happiness? Money, "freedom", and "autonomy"? But what are these for? What is the point of being free? What is the point of money?
The point of both freedom and money is to be able to do what is good. Freedom and autonomy and money have no value in themselves; they have only instrumental value. They only enable the good (and money, only specific kinds of goods). They are not sources of happiness per se. So being free to have children is the freedom to pursue the good that are children and of being a parent. Being a parent is meaningful. Freedom, full stop, is not. And money, full stop, is certainly not.
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The risk I'm talking about is trying new things that move civilization forward. That is the risk-taking that prevents stagnation.
Can you share what risks we could take that would move civilization forward in a meaningful way that provides benefits?
Some people think technology (like automation and AI) will somehow do the trick, making each workers much more productive. Of course, such technologies tend to lower the prices of goods and services, just like industrialization did. And ultimately, such technology will spread quickly, reducing whatever competitive edge this was supposed to provide.
1 reply →