Comment by bicx
1 day ago
My wife and I are unable to have children due to health reasons, and we decided not to adopt after years of hardship. Now, we’re in a better place, and I’m nearing my 40s. My brother has 2 young kids, and my parents help take care of the kids during the week. They are literal neighbors and walk back and forth between their houses.
Meanwhile, my wife and I have moved from our hometown, lived in SF for a while (focusing on career), sold normal possessions to live and travel in an RV for a year, and now we live on a gulf coast island. It’s been a great adventure these past years, but there is a deep feeling that there isn’t much of a purpose in what we do.
Raising kids seems to answer this for some, but other parents seem to become genuinely disgusted with it over time (unfortunately for the kids). From an evolutionary perspective, a feeling of purpose from raising children makes total sense. But, that doesn’t mean I must lean into all evolutionarily baked-in tendencies as a form of true meaning.
I think the hard truth is that if we want meaning, we have to be honest that there is no unquestionable source of meaning in life. That also goes counter to the idea that we are individually special or have a destiny, which is also a hard pill to swallow for many (particularly in the Western world). However, it does open up our lives as a canvas on which we can paint our own vision of meaning and purpose.
> I think the hard truth is that if we want meaning, we have to be honest that there is no unquestionable source of meaning in life.
I agree, but children are one possible source of meaning in life. I haven't found a compelling one for me personally besides that. I guess for some people it could be discovery. If you're on the frontier of some field or science that could have a big impact, perhaps that can give you meaning. Perhaps Nikola Tesla never felt the urge to marry or have children. But for us mere mortals that becomes harder. And today's map doesn't have many unchartered areas. Nearly every problem accessible to us is impossible or trivial.
I hope you find meaning and purpose in your life without kids. But you're also relatively young. I feel like my passion and interests wane over time. This holds for most people I know as well. And other fun things like adventure and living out of an RV becomes harder as well.
> we have to be honest that there is no unquestionable source of meaning in life
Think about what you would like to remain in the world after you are gone. Then think how you can connect with and advance those things, and act accordingly in your life. To me this has been a reliable way to find meaning in life. But obviously I don’t claim this is unquestionable or works for everyone.