Comment by _2zip

Trying now to analyze the limit of this principle as the bully approaches POTUS.

On the other hand, every effort each of us makes to eliminate bullying from this world is another effort toward making this world a better place.

The trick is to have those thoughts, plans, and actions actually lead to results rather than just anxieties about the past.

> but every second you waste thinking about revenge is a second the bully won another time. It's also another second you are not dedicating for the people you love and care.

I agree with this and this is why I'm an advocate of fighting back on the spot, yelling, etc, if it's someone crossing a boundary such that it'll bother you forever. Because if you hold you ground, it's over and you held your ground, nothing to be upset about again.

IIRC this is a misconception and bullies bully strategically to climb the social ladder and benefit from it.

It's possible that they do it because they learned pathological systems of behaviour from pathological family/social experiences, but even if fighting back against them is also shitty, it beats enabling them to keep doing it (especially to you)

Somehow others experience shit situations without needing to self-sooth by inflicting similar pain on others.

Bullying is not a form of innocently misguided, or sympathy deserving, coping.

I think that view is best interpreted as an inaccurate but well meaning rationalization offered to bullied people, to suggest more passive karma is present than there is. Often by those uncomfortable with the pervasive element of real-politik physical negotiation throughout nature.

Bullies are cruel because they are getting something psychological and practical from the practice. Usually both. Violence exists because it is a very effective tool.

And just as easily a tool for good. Bullies’ behavior is famously responsive to people who vigorously retaliate or are strongly defended. Even to the point of genuinely respecting those strong enough to give back punishment, as well as they can take.

Bullies are also famously quick to offer their subservience to bigger bullies. Suddenly pliable “lambs” in that context, offering up their own power. These are rational choices for those that operate in the violence economy, not the flailings of broken souls.

Which makes standing up to all bullies in the world dramatically more important, than the calculus of any individual situation might seem to suggest.

Like all economic realms, norms that bend to lower the costs of applying bullying, violence, threat and fear power, only incentivize further expansion, investment and innovation.

Sometimes. I had a kid who’d get his buddies together and ambush me in the way out of school. His mom was an employee and the school staff would mysteriously not see anything involving him.

He then came at me by himself with a stick when I was walking my sister home far from school. I beat the shit out of him, broke his nose, bruised a rib and he sprained his ankle. My sister told her friends, and all of those little shits stayed away. He’s lucky - a year or two later I would have been stronger and probably hurt him pretty bad.

I will say that schools are much better at dealing with this behavior now. I’m sure the kid had problems, but it wasn’t my responsibility as a 10/11 year old to hug it out, and none of the 1980s adults seemed to give a shit.

I don't agree. Most of the bullies I dealt with growing up were privileged shits who had never had anyone cut them down a notch.

> you just beating up a bully will mean some other kid(s) will get beaten up

Beating up a bully as self defence is categorically different from beating up a random bully. Neither is also necessary for the next step, which is involving authorities to establish a path to rehabiliation or incapacitation.

> you just beating up a bully will mean some other kid(s) will get beaten up (or beaten up even more) further down the line

oh you need to convince them that more beatings would be forthcoming if they step out of line again.

>What I want to say - you just beating up a bully will mean some other kid(s) will get beaten up (or beaten up even more) further down the line.

I can tell you first hand this definitely isn't true in all cases.

We had a bully at my school who constantly picked on all sorts of people. Eventually he decided to pick on one of my best friends who got sick of it and took him to the ground and punched him in the face about 15 times.

It was like a light switch - the bully became one of the chillest, nicest kids in our grade after that. He figured out pretty quickly that getting punched in the face isn't much fun and decided it was probably better to stop being a dick to everyone around him because he didn't know who the next person was that would return his shenanigans with violence.

> Their life is shit already, that's why they act as they act (...) you just beating up a bully will mean some other kid(s) will get beaten up (or beaten up even more) further down the line

human social life is complex and such overgeneralization are almost never right

in some cases self-defense entirely fixes the problem

> We humans act like storage of both good and bad, it then comes back up in various situations.

that is an utter nonsense, in some cases endless hugging and patting just leaves you exploited

> passing aggression on to others in vain effort to get rid of some of that 'evil' in them

well, sadly sometimes violence is right or least bad solution

I've only been bullied once, so it's hard for me to really talk outside of that single time. I'm different and I've never given too many fucks about social norms or hierarchies, and I guess a bully from two grades above me took that as a sign I would be a good victim. Anyway, I knew what way he walked home, so the day after he had bullied me I hid in a bush. When he walked by I ambushed him with a stick and demanded he give me his school bagpack... I hoisted it into the school flagpole the next day... Like a total psychopath. Looking back on it, it's frigthening how few consequences there was for what was obviously way out of line. I guess the early 90ies were just a different time.

He probably had a shit life, but I never saw him bully anyone again.

Stunningly weak mentality. Not surprised to see it on display here, HN is polluted with broken dorks.

If you don't fight back you will be the victim of further abuse. If there's no countervailing force against sadistic psychopaths, they will continue their destructive behavior.

You should absolutely beat the shit out of bullies. To idly stand by out of some misguided slave morality, you permit their evil, and allow the world to become worse.

> Their life is shit already, that's why they act as they act, passing aggression on to others in vain effort to get rid of some of that 'evil' in them.

The exact same can be said for good ole Adi. And many of his ilk currently alive.

What you're saying isn't a straightforward universal truth. There's no one right answer. Some of the time, what you're saying is very true. Other times it's very much not. GP's reaction as such isn't "knee-jerk". The equation doesn't suddenly change the second the "evildoer" in question turns 18, or 21.

[dead]

Finally growing up big enough and successfully beating up a bully was one of the best memories of childhood I have...

There were times over the years I played the waiting game and got back at certain bullies. Each time I got in a heap of trouble, but always recovered my pound of flesh.

A valid rationalization but never an excuse. At some point the buck has to stop being passed around. Standing up to all instances of violence is the only way to stop the endless cycles.

that is not a valid reason for others to suffer their cruelty and not apply effective self-defense

Clarification: I never justified what bullies do, just giving an explanation. I should have made more explicit that punishing alone accomplishes nothing if the source of the problem isn't addressed: they just go to the next easier victim.