Comment by coldtea
9 hours ago
>I have to say this strikes me as a very distorted perception. I don't know about 'normal,' but a socially successful person isn't intuiting their behavior subconsciously, they have learned it, and are actively mindful of it as they engage in it.
Lots and lots of, if not most, social behaviors are intuited subconsciously.
And that's even if the person has actively studied and learned them (and most are picked up by osmosis, not consciously learned anyway).
>I also don't think normative social interaction has much tolerance for manipulation. Maybe in the scope of a night out socializing or a business transaction, but in the context of actual relationships, those people are often ostracized or avoided in my experience.
That's either oblivious to 90% of social interactions out there, or just understands "manipulation" at the con artist or sociopath level.
Even wearing nice clothes to make a better impression is a kind of manipulation. Same for using different manners of speaking and language in different social contexts, and lots of other stuff.
Yes, I think we have different definitions. Some people make a distinction between social behavior and manipulation that you apparently do not.
If I wear nice clothes and make a good impression on someone, I am creating an outcome we both wanted at the outset. If we are meeting socially, they probably wanted to like me, and I wanted them to like me. That was the shared goal. That is cooperative, not manipulative.