Comment by CalRobert
2 days ago
It does feel a bit cruel that we were told to be vulnerable and open, and then when men said we’re lonely got accused of asking other people to fix our problems and that we just needed to deal with it.
Also I don’t think I’d risk being e.g. a teacher - the girls in my high school would casually joke about accusing their teachers of being creeps if they failed a test, etc.
I think one problem we have (always had, but worse now that there are so many more opinions to be exposed to) is that we expect "society's" opinions to be consistent, despite being made up of millions of different people.
Of course there are going to be people telling others to be vulnerable and open, and of course there are also going to be people telling others not to complain because that's dumping their problems on other people.
Also, by "society" often people mean "twitter", which is hardly an organic cross section of public opinion.
I agree in one sense, but in another, the extremes seen on Twitter are not where the madness ends. The Overton window shifts slowly.
> we were told to be vulnerable and open, and then when men said we’re lonely got accused of asking other people to fix our problems
The discrimination pendulum swinged the other way. And as with a lot of discrimination, the criticism is in reality aimed at what you are, not what you do. So you will never get it right in the eyes of those critics. On the other hand the roles of men in society are changing and it's not at all clear "to what". "Be a man but don't really be one, it's complicated".
Well we have data showing that people have fewer close friends, men in particular, than in decades past. This used to be what the loneliness epidemic referred to, but somehow it got turned in to being about dating.
I mean, I’m lonely and I’m married. Middle age is a tough time for friendships.
Too many lonely men seem to think that women can and should fix all their problems. That if only they had a relationship all their shit would be over.
While the first step should be to join a hobby club or do some volunteer work or find a sport to do (and definitely not the gym or running or any other solo sport). Just find something where you regularly interact with people, and especially the same people over a longer period of time.
I was talking about friendships, not dating.