Comment by nunez
1 month ago
It definitely can be a chore.
I organized a large (600+-person at its peak) Meetup in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY during Meetup's hayday (2010-ish).
Meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life was interesting at first. But like a previous poster stated, connections like these are fleeting and take a lot of work to maintain (especially if you're a man, which I am; see the end of this post for more on that).
Consequently, the process of meeting people eventually became very same-y after a short while, and knowing that these conversations usually won't amount to anything other than nice, fleeting moments got old.
There was also the drama of managing "interesting" personalities in a free Meetup group. I passed the baton in 2012 or so, but that's another post for another day.
I'll conclude this post with some unsolicited advice: try to learn what people do for work without asking them directly.
EVERYONE expects this question, and it can be a conversation killer if your occupations don't intersect (less likely) or if the person you're conversing with hates their job (more likely). Everyone ALSO loves talking about themselves. Finding out how someone spends the largest part of their day without asking point-blank adds interesting twists and turns that can really liven up a conversation. It also makes you a better listener and better at asking questions.
I lied; I have more unsolicited advice. The easiest way to give a shit about what someone does for work is to ask lots of questions! Unless they hate their job, in which case, you'll want to ask questions that get them talking about what they do enjoy!
Typing that last paragraph reminded me of another reason why I got burned out on socializing with people. I'm a man. Most men only like sports and video games; two things I couldn't care less about. Socializing with other men as a man who dislikes these things is extremely difficult, especially in the US South, where I live. I blame the suburban lifestyle, but that, too, is another post for another day.
>Everyone ALSO loves talking about themselves
I see this a lot and it's interesting because I don't like to talk about myself much. Doubly so about work. I wonder how many of us there are.
What do you like to talk about? I'm passionate about my work and happy to discuss topics but not too keen to explain it to someone who has nill knowledge of the subject or industry.
I like to hear people talk about their hobbies and their favorite tv shows.
I don't like asking about movies, music, or books because those discussions can end up being performative.
Honestly I don't talk much. But generally things related to whatever we're doing, entertainment (books, movies, sports, and so on), my kid when I had him, and now that I am getting older a bit more philosophical meaning of life type stuff.
Have you tried getting meta about sports and video games? I don't care about sports, but I'll be interested if you talk to me about the business of sports clubs or the technicalities of stadiums. Video games have a lot going on around them: The lawsuits and general weirdness around how Disco Elysium was made is the stuff of several documentaries, for example.
Anecdotally, I'd say women are worse when it comes to interests. It's incredibly common that they just don't have any, which isn't the end of the world, oddly enough. There might be little to discuss, but drinking some wine, going to the movies or a gallery while having a pleasant conversation - these can be fine activities. Hard to turn it into a club, but on the other hand it's basically universal.
> I'd say women are worse when it comes to interests
You're looking at it wrong, or from a Mans perspective. Woman don't need the same "activities" or "hobbies" as men, these are doing thing that Men like.
Woman just need to socialize to socialize. Thats why they have book clubs, brunches and wine/art. They just need to talk.
YMMV: This is all generally speaking.
Absolutely. I think I might actually prefer this, somehow. It's very relaxed.
One thing that vexes me in dating women, however, is that it's hard to figure out what "type" of woman a woman is. I think men might be a bit easier to read at a glance.
I agree people love to talk about themselves. I disagree about work being the one to go for though. Career is the default conversation; the boring conversation.
I ask 'What keeps you busy?' and if people think of work then that's fine, but for those of us that don't center our lives that way there is an opportunity to discuss something else. Asking what you do for income is a more narrow and closed conversation.
Oh man, I relate so hard on the sports conversations.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
There are dozens of us!
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