Comment by random9749832
5 days ago
>not a request for hobby suggestions
Of course it's not. Why look at anything positive or actually do something when you can instead engage in the tired tropes like looking at the past with rose tinted glasses as a way of comforting yourself.
You can be as positive as you want to be, and should absolutely take action and do things to better socialize.
But to pretend it’s remotely the same as it was 40 years ago is utterly ridiculous. Now when you do such things like a running club you are joining a group of very self-selecting people who for the most part have a certain personality type.
You simply do not get the diversity in group experiences as there used to be. It was either go through social discomfort or sit alone bored with zero social interaction. Now the friction to get that social dopamine hit is extremely low bar, and going beyond it the bar has been raised considerably.
Not to mention doing stuff like running club or rock climbing just feeds into the hyper-scheduled world the west has become. Spontaneous social interaction is important too, and those third places are increasingly scarce and involve far more friction. Which again self-selects for certain personality types and lifestyles.
For some people these changes are positive - much easier to find niche activities to do with others. For other people they are extremely negative.
>Now when you do such things like a running club you are joining a group of very self-selecting people
I'd disagree with this pretty strongly. I do workshops at a makerspace in Berlin, which is in itself a pretty nerdy place but we've got everything from pensioners to middle aged moms to obviously a lot of people from the university or tech work.
In much smaller cities not just here you'll find chess clubs, poetry slam groups, church choirs what have you. None of it hyper-scheduled or commercialized. I can't speak to what this was like 40 years ago I wasn't alive then but there's no shortage. I think the biggest difference is, people don't move. In the Western world mobility is at an all time low. If you were young and lived in a place where these opportunities didn't exist people literally just packed their bags and relocated. In the words of Morgan Freeman: https://youtu.be/oZcSivXEGys
I definitely agree that a big part of it is how immobile people are these days.
What I meant by hyperscheduled is that typically these activities revolve around setting a schedule in advance for everyone to commit to and plan around. This sort of thing simply does not work for me. At all. Maybe once every couple months or so.
For example my local makerspace requires at least days (if not weeks) advance booking for most tools. When I’m in a project mood or want to meet up with friends to hack on something it will be more of a “hey let’s go figure this out, meet you there in an hour!” situation.
What I personally miss are the social clubs/spaces - heck even neighborhood pubs - that used to exist as simple meeting points. Whoever was there happened to be there and you’d tend to slowly make more social connections over time. You show up when you felt like showing up, and probably find a handful of casual friends there no matter when you’d go.
There is an extreme dearth of such impromptu meeting points/gathering hubs at least where I live. If you want to meet with friends you typically are going to schedule it a few days out - even if it’s meeting up for drinks after work. With work from home that’s even far less of a thing since even coworkers are geographically dispersed vs. cutting out of work 30 minutes early to go grab drinks at the bar around the corner.
By the time I get through my exhausting work calendar each week all I want is some control over my day back - and let the day go by feels vs a calendar. This is the largest difference other than social media I’ve felt over the past few decades.
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