Comment by blazers777

23 days ago

it's impossible to tell who is normal in these stories.

for example, the guy can start smoking inside, and it will always smell like smoke.

or, the guy can get his own buzzer.

i've had oversensitive neighbors sit there and bang on pots all night because fireworks or construction noise.

like another comment mentioned, apartments are just built really badly. you can hear anything. which leads to friends of mine complaining about stompers, but to me, they're clearly not stomping. they're just tip-toeing around as quietly as possible. when you get people actually harassing you daily, then you figure out the difference.

if you have to set up a machine or device, then you might be the bad neighbor. this is especially true if they don't set up a machine back at you. that means they're just taking in your harassment and not escalating.

people aren't total idiots. they figure someone is messing with them for their level 15 volume and keep it lower. For anyone with a TV, try putting your volume to 15. Is is unreasonable volume? It's very hard to say who is the psychotic neighbor. I've been on both sides: neighbors that were loud but normal (maybe they had bad hearing, or worked at night), and neighbors that were oversensitive, who were petty and bought machines and devices and sprays to really hurt all of the people who lived around them.

11 comments

blazers777

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ornornor  23 days ago

The rule is simple IMO: whatever you’re doing, if it impacts people beyond your own sphere then you’re the problematic one.

Playing loud music, your neighbours can hear it => you’re the problem

Smoking and having the smoke pollute your neighbours air => you’re the problem

  • blazers777  23 days ago

    the problem is that there's oversensitive people and you actually do impact their lives by being a nurse that comes home at 3 am.

    if you cook some dishes, and some oversensitive person doesn't like the smell, then you're impacting them.

    it becomes not so simple, especially when you are a building manager and two people have a problem with each other. it's not always easy to figure it out.

    Then you have cases like a once per year loud birthday party. That's annoying. Are you really the problem if you do that once a year?

    I can hear my neighbors televisions regularly. It's annoying yet I never thought they were a problem. However, another person in the building DOES think they are a problem. Partly because they don't understand that they need to compromise because the walls are so thin. Since the sounds are annoying, do they get to stomp around all night and get revenge with machines and devices? at that point, the petty revenge is probably the problem.

    and for a building manager, it's not always easy to figure out which person is the unreasonable one.

    • birksherty  22 days ago

      Maybe but this is not what the issue was here.

      Playing loud music, tv is not acceptable. Or smoking outside that impacts others.

      Is your want to do that, live alone in a forest.

  • handoflixue  23 days ago

    Your comment impacted me, so I assume you'll post an apology for this deeply problematic behavior of yours?

    Plenty of times the fault is with the apartment, etc.: if the reasonable noise of me living disrupts my neighbors, that's bad design. Different people work different shifts - I don't see why the morning person should have to hold off on a morning shower just because the plumbing wakes up their neighbor, nor why the night-shift worker should have to hold off on doing laundry just because that wakes the morning person up.

    • ornornor  23 days ago

      Right, I was thinking about avoidable things like playing loud music or smoking in a particular place. Obviously old building and normal usage is a different situation

vineyardmike  23 days ago

> it's impossible to tell who is normal in these stories

The answer is that everyone thinks they’re the normal one. And everyone generally is normal.

I’ve objectively been a bad neighbor in the past. Early 20s me loved loud music. But late 20s me learned how to be considerate of the music volume.

I’ve also had crazy neighbors. One neighbor of mine complained constantly, immediately after moving in, that the communal laundry area light was left on, and I kept promising to try and do better. Of course, I made plenty of mistakes and often forgot to turn the light off when leaving with a full basket. One day he just took the (low powered LED) bulb away like they were his! Was I the poor neighbor wasting electricity? Was he the psychopath who thought he could forcibly control the entire apartment buildings access to light? It’s all in the story telling.

  • vee-kay  23 days ago

    In my apartment complex,there are 3 types of lights in the community/public areas: 1. Centrally controlled lights - security team controls them from their common control room (this is also where the CCTV feeds are monitored live on TV screens) - e.g., floodlights, for pathways, lights in staircases. 2. Automatic-sensor (motion-sensor) driven lights - e.g., in elevators/lifts. 3. Manually operated lights - e.g., terrace lights, etc.

    So the security team manage all the lights in the utility areas, whereas the uncommon areas (e.g., terraces; their doors usually kept locked by a bolt on the inside, because we sometimes get prowlers/intruders on the rooftops: monkeys from nearby jungle!) are operated by security or tenants/owners, on a need basis.

    Of course, for smaller complexes, where a dedicated security team (or even a lone night watchman) is not feasible, it is advisable to install automatic lights on common areas (but not for stairs, etc., otherwise it is a safety risk), so this avoids altercations between users.

    For inner rooms (such as a laundry area), a two-way switch setup helps - one switch in the room, and one on an accessway or way outside (preferably one of those acrylic translucent light switch (which lights up when switched on)), so it is easier to spot if it is left on.