Comment by cowbolt

12 days ago

It's called nonviolent communication. There are quite a few books on it but I can recommend "Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication".

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cowbolt

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teekert  12 days ago

It's also Rose of Leary like [0]. The theory is that being helpful to someone who is (ie) competitive or offensive will force them into other, more cooperative, behaviours (among others).

Once you see this pattern applied by someone it makes a lot of sense. Imho it requires some decoupling, emotional control, sometimes just "acting", but good acting, it must appear (or better yet, be) sincere to the other party.

[0] https://www.toolshero.com/communication-methods/rose-of-lear...

  • m3047  12 days ago

    Interesting site. The proper "Rose" comes (in a variety of forms, I suppose this is close to what I believe is the canonical one) from Leary's 1957 work _Interpersonal Diagnosis of Personality_ and his pioneering work on group psychotherapy / interactions. He used (variants of) this wheel / rose as radar charts, scoring interactions in group situations. The actual wheel has a middle stripe / ring about "provokes", and arguably the behavior becomes pathological when provocation takes place.

    As a term of art the "deconflicted", neither dominant / submissive, middle-right is sometimes referred to as the "Dale Carnegie quadrant".

    I've been using it for a number of years to diagnose the personality dynamics humans erect around software and tech stacks. I had mused about it, but done nothing, until I came across a SxSW talk about Lacanian analysis of the personalities of various computer languages... just for fun of course.

    (Compare Nanos and Docker... see what I mean?)

jondwillis  12 days ago

I went to a meditation garden yesterday and noticed their signage was much more nonviolent and “together” inducing than most, without coming across as too woowoo:

Next to a Koi pond: “Will you help protect these beautiful fish? Help us by not throwing coins, food, …”