Comment by miroljub
9 hours ago
This advice is not for everyone.
Obviously this works only if you are an extrovert. Introverts would find this kind of interaction a wasteful use of limited social energy available to them.
9 hours ago
This advice is not for everyone.
Obviously this works only if you are an extrovert. Introverts would find this kind of interaction a wasteful use of limited social energy available to them.
I think it absolutely is for everyone, especially for introverts. It's a muscle, go train it. Source: me.
You can train it. You can even be good at it. But if you don't enjoy it, should you really be doing it?
Yes, because it's important. And also figure out why you don't enjoy it, and whether that's a self-reinforcing thing. At the very least you can make it something neutral instead of something you actively dislike and avoid.
2 replies →
Yes. It's like exercise. Or eating healthy. I don't enjoy working out but I should really be doing it. I really enjoy eating sweets, but I should not be doing that all the time.
1 reply →
I have ADHD with terrible social anxiety, and conventional treatments only help so much.
I know I can eventually beat it, and I'm so happy for you and everyone who beats social anxiety. You are my idols!
That said, I don't like it when someone says "yeah just do it, it's possible". It's not possible to just do it. Yeah only doing the thing is doing the thing and preparing to do it is not doing the thing, I get it. On the other hand, you can also jump off a cliff without checking your parachute, just saying.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted but yes, this is true.
I don't want or need to talk to everyone, and I generally don't appreciate people I don't know or won't know in five minutes to engage me in idle chatter. Just leave me be.
I'm not a grouch, I'm not a grump, I'll be friendly but why do you have to harass me?
I'm perfectly comfortable in my own skin, doing my own thing, by myself. I don't have social anxiety, I'm not a misanthrope. Just let me be.
Introverts aren't broken. You don't have to impose yourself on everyone else.
Not sure why you got downvoted with a perfectly valid opinion!
I’ve done what OP describes but I’m heavily introverted and likely HSP too. I’m pretty good at it but it’s incredibly exhausting. My father is exactly the same way.
As I get older, the more I consider self care and prioritising my own needs over others to be happy. To that end, I much prefer to keep to myself and so I do.
However it doesn’t stop me from engaging in impromptu conversations. I just don’t go out of my way to talk to literally everyone.
Exactly my point, you just formulated it better than I could.
The problem with extroverts is they assume everyone is like them. And they are pretty loud and push their opinions on others without the ability to listen and reflect. They would ignore that you are not like them, and would come up with all the arguments about "trying", "limiting growth", "training the muscles".
You can't accept that I know what's good for me? You want to change me? You think you know me better than I do? Then fuck you, I'll just stop talking to you without even telling you why.
And that's the exact reason why, in the real world, I just stop any communication with them. If they cannot adjust their communication so it can be enjoyable to me, I'm not going to pretend I enjoy communicating with them.
This advice is not for everyone.
Categorizing yourself in a way that may purposefully stunt your growth and reduce opportunity for growth is a wasteful use of life.
That's something an extrovert would say :)
Strong words. I'd like to understand your choice of words here.
> Categorizing yourself
Also known as knowing yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses.
> purposefully stunt your growth
A wild assumption that talking to everyone will magically let you grow. Some people just prefer to focus on people that matter to them.
> ... reduce opportunity for growth
By choosing to compete in an area that is your weakness, you already limited your growth potential.
> ... wasteful use of life
So refusing to talk to everyone is a wasteful use of life. Again, I find it more wasteful to talk to anyone instead of people who matter to me. Unless it's fun, of course.
Categorising / knowing yourself is important for sure - I think in the case of the extrovert/introvert thing, it's an important first step to helping yourself, because in my experience/anecdotally, a lot of introverts know they're different from others, yet feel insecure or anxious about it. Awareness and acceptance won't make you "not an introvert" suddenly, but it can help recover from the awkwardness, self-doubt and anxiety. Still anecdotally, me and some other people who (10, 15 years ago or so) learned about introversion found more peace with themselves, that it's OK to want to be home, and that they learn to say "no" or "you know something, I've had enough and am going home".
Learning about who you are helps you know your limits and boundaries, which means you can learn to do more within your comfort zone and how far you can stretch it, which means your comfort zone expands and you can do more. That's the kind of growth I think comes with categorising oneself.
2 replies →
[dead]