Comment by bonesss

> Riding a bike is nothing like making friends.

Riding a bike is exactly like making friends. Lifestyle is lifestyle. If your aim is to be a regular and obvious “rider” it is not like the parable about skills returning quickly when tried, it is the practice, dedication, investment, improvement, and risk taking to <ahem> get the eff of the effing couch and bike the eff around. The is/ought dilemma tells us philosophically that bitching cannot become biking.

It’s a lifestyle. Biking to work, being a bike guy, VO2Max watches and rust and replacement bikes … time, effort, and money. Ironically, if you are into that sort of thing, that’s the friendship hack: do it same time same place for a week or two, and if there’s another nerd doing the same say hi, crack a joke. Do that 5x then ask if they like beer… … friendship acquired.

> [misinterpreting Dale Carnegie to be defeatist]

You are flat wrong, and not listening to him.

I am shite with names, palpably. But I can say that, and ask. Whassitagain? Oh, thank you, Astura, I appreciate the clarification. I am sorry your mom is awkward, mine is too. That’s why I always make sure to only ask things I care about, and listen to the answers like the other person matters as much as I do.

You are correct, interrogations are not conversations. But answers are loaded with interests, conversational retorts, too. So you ask, listen, comment, listen, and if you find common ground (of interest to talk, not fact), well… that’s half a friend.

Trying to avoid arguments and being enthusiastic about someone’s presence are good tips for a good impression. The thesis that seeking legitimate arguments (not teasing, banter, ball-busting, or flirty disagreement), and being annoyed or put upon by someone else’s presence are good for long term friendship needs some work.

Yes, yes, yes: get in ‘the door’, make a great first impression, and establish trust quickly. Don’t breach that trust, keep making positive genuine interactions and … well the word for that is ‘friend’.

Try it. Work it like you have a brain. Other people’s cliches are their problem. Friendship is selling yourself and showing up.