Comment by msteffen
1 hour ago
Therapy, which (at least for me) has focused dually on adhd management strategies that can be very helpful (including, in particular, enhancing relevant social skills related to setting expectations and boundaries) and on identifying and modifying negative self-image issues and counterproductive learned behaviors (e.g. various forms of self-directed hostility that attempt to assert control over a neurophysiological issue).
It’s funny, I went to therapy a lot of times before I found someone I could stick with, and if I were to give my past self a list of what I’ve gotten from therapy, I think I would’ve been unimpressed. Nevertheless, I’ve noticed that I’m more confident and calmer, and it has definitely improved my relationships.
There’s a kind of virtuous cycle that happens where you replace a grumpy mindset where you’re always mad at yourself for not meeting other peoples’ expectations and always mad at other people for making your life hard, with a confident mindset where you understand yourself, are therefore comfortable relating to other people about your abilities and needs, and can focus on putting yourself in situations where you’ll be successful.
lol, we’re all writing the same thing. I’ll give you one example, because I particularly liked it. My therapist always talks about separating people from problems, and I never had any idea wtf he was talking about. And then he gave me this exercise where he was like, “let’s construct a narrative where this person’s eccentric personality makes them really good at something specific. Where would you expect a person like that to encounter friction and how would you manage it?”
It was sort of fun, we talked about how Arthur Schawlow (who co-invented the laser and won the Nobel prize) was banned from driving on Stanford campus and had to be chauffeured. And I finally understood what he was talking about; you can access this perspective for anybody by constructing such a narrative. What if everybody’s a misunderstood genius at something? Why not? How would you live in such a world? One insight among many.