Comment by MisterMunchkin
20 days ago
Restaurants are expensive. When you have important things to pay for, spaffing hundreds on a meal feels like a massive waste of money.
20 days ago
Restaurants are expensive. When you have important things to pay for, spaffing hundreds on a meal feels like a massive waste of money.
If each pays for their own share, not so expensive. If you host and invite the same number of people, it gets expensive if you get outside food, and a lot of work/time if you cook yourself. Both are more friction than a restaurant, and thus fewer people do it. In a circle of 50, there will be 10-30 who just don't have the energy/budget to host, and eventually the others despise them for never hosting. The steady state outcome is that those people neither host nor get invited.
In my family, not surprisingly it's the wife who wants to host dinners. And because of the (IMO) high standards, it means she's missing for days to over a week. Life pretty much goes on hold in the household during that time. She can't watch the kids, so I have to. We both work and have little time, which really means the kids get neglected - and it's measurable.
If they lowered their standards, this wouldn't be a problem. But they seem to value those standards more than the social mixing.
If hosting was "simple food, no decoration, not the tidiest home", it would happen a lot more.
(Of course, if you host at a restaurant, that's the most expensive).
For those of us with kids - it’s the restaurant and the babysitter cost. Or you can bring kids but that’s not always desirable or feasible.
Little confused by your example. Your wife hosts (let’s say on a Saturday) but prepares for it all week and doesn’t help with kids? Is that right?
I think there's a split between different crowds. For a lot of them, this type of socializing is a full family affair. No babysitters - kids come.
And that may be why restaurants are out - kids are bored at restaurants.
> Your wife hosts (let’s say on a Saturday) but prepares for it all week and doesn’t help with kids? Is that right?
I'm saying it takes both of us to properly parent the kids, because we're both working spouses. Kids only get 3 hours at home on weekdays. In that time you have to ensure they get food, do homework, have fun, and bond. 3 hours just isn't enough when they're young kids. If one parent is absent, the debt grows.
My point (scattered across various comments), is that socializing need not be hard, and inviting 2 other families for dinner shouldn't take days of preparation. But because of the all the ceremony and effort that people (needlessly) put into it, it does. If they want more socializing, lower the standards. Just have simple food, no special setups, etc.