Comment by throwaway497284

5 days ago

I think about suicide every day. Thankfully death still scares me. If I didn’t have some of the responsibilities that I have then I probably would have drank myself to death and accidentally overdosed on pills just due to mixing both together.

I’m in the stereotypical category. I’m college educated, have a successful career doing what I enjoy, have a great house, wife and kids.

I deal with OCD, negative thoughts I can’t get control of, low self esteem, paranoia, and trust issues. It’s impossible for me to feel loved. However, I’m one of those silent sufferers and no one would be the wiser for the most part. Death feels like a sweet escape after having a few drinks. However, I’m too OCD to actually kill myself because I have too many final tasks and arrangements to finish up so that I can leave everything perfectly in order. The guilt aspect is serious too.

Middle-age is a serious thing to face. It’s a super scary time on all fronts, because if you don’t already have your shit together, then you’re completely fucked if something happens.

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throwaway497284

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throwaway1322  4 days ago

Hi, very similar situation as you. Diagnosed OCD, paranoia and trust issues. I also struggle with feeling loved and see myself as a burden. I also struggle with the idea that I'm only useful to produce taxes and that removing myself from the equation is the only control I have over the situation. I jokingly refer to death as "The Sweet Release". Anyway, not much point to my comment here other than relating to your situation and wanting to thank you for writing it.